Hey everybody! My name is Lexie Gillette, I am 23 years old and I live in Rochester, New York. I am the youngest of four kids, an aunt to two (one is on the way), and I wanted to start this blog to hopefully help my mental health and help me get stronger and learn how to deal with my issues.

First things first, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t always need to put on a strong face all the time and pretend that everything is fine, there’s somebody always here to talk if you need it or even when you don’t think there is. I have learned this lesson after I myself have been struggling with anxiety disorder and depression. Here is my story:

Back in September of 2019, I knew something didn’t feel right but I put it off thinking to myself ‘It’s not a big deal, it’s just a bad thought. It’ll pass’. Nope, I was wrong. Two minutes later, I was laying down on my bed in a full blown panic attack, basically hyperventilating and crying my eyes out. I thought to myself “What the hell could’ve caused this?’, then it all made sense, my former job and the way I was being treated brought me back to the childhood memories that I have of being constantly bullied. It got so horrible at that time, that it got to the point where I considered taking my own life. I thought that then, and the same thoughts came back after that panic attack. I thought to myself as a kid ‘What am I worth? Nobody cares about me, why am I living?’. That question was answered for me over 10 years later when I walked across the stage to receive my Associates Degree from community college. God had a plan for me, and that was for me to be the best I can be at whatever I do. Today, I answered that question by seeing that all of the friends I have gained over the last six months were sent to me from God. He knew it wasn’t my time yet, so he was able to bring me out of the dark place I was in and push forward and keep going.

I made the tough but necessary decision to change jobs and get out of the toxic environment I was in, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made, but something still wasn’t right. I was still having small but noticeable panic attacks with no explanation. so what else was there left to do? I always thought about going on medication, but I was never able to talk myself into going to the doctor to get evaluated. It took the convincing of my boyfriend and a few close friends who would go above and beyond for me to go and get evaluated, so that’s what I did. Now here we are, January 2020, and I’m feeling the best I’ve felt in probably over 10 years.

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay and there is always someone there who cares enough about you to help you through the rough times.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255